Friends are the family you get to choose.

Time to think

Do you ever think about the position you put yourself in life? Are you ever like... HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING?

I've been sooo destructive lately. I've mad so many bad decisions. So many mistakes. What the fuck. I've been so selfish, foolish. You're probably thinking... he probably regrets a lot. I don't regret my mistakes. They just teach me what to do differently next time. Something good can come out of something terrible. I've noticed I have a tendancy of overthinking things when the answer/explanation is right in front of me.

THANK GOD I am safe... and sound. Never again.

I can do this, I AM STRONG!

I am brave, I am strong. I don't know why but I refuse to self destruct over this. it's been almost 4 months...

Heart aches

I think it's pretty sad that sometimes there is nothing more that i want then to be in his arms, or holding him. It's like a wicked addiction. My greatgrandmother once said... you never forget your first true love. SO TRUE.

I don't know why... I understand how bad we were for eachother. I wonder if he ever thinks like I do. I would love to know.

So painful yet so pleasureful

This love hurts so much yet feels so good.

It hurts to feel hurt, but if feels good to hear your heart beating at night as you lay next to me. I hope it gets better.

What Happens when you neglect a blog

What happens when you neglect a blog? You’re life flashes past you, and you have nothing to look back on because you forgot to write about it.

Things have been well and somewhat terrible. I never knew how you can meet someone and make them the love of your life in 6 months, but it’s possible.

I know he’s the love of my life.

 

This love is so fucking painful. I don’t know what to do. I’m almost scared of him. He makes me shiver, I’m afraid of him. But I don’t want to show. He’s so intimidating. He has a bizarre creature in him that could tear me apart into shreds.

He has no heart sometimes, and I am so naïve that I don’t know what I’ve done. I don’t care what I’ve done to make him this way, all I know is I want him to be happy. If being happy is being without me, let that be. I cannot see this pain any longer. This will be the death of me… this relationship, that I don’t know what’s happening to it but all I want is for it to work, I don’t think that’s mutual maybe? is it? who knows. Who knows. What knows. I don’t know what’s going on, but god please, make this better.

I see... Me.

I see me,
I see myself and everything I can make of myself.
A push, a drive, a reason to thrive. I dig deep down inside sometimes and say to myself, " why am I doing this ". Why do I want to make someone of myself. Why do I have to go to college ?"

I have to go to college because I am the only one that can. My brothers didn't have it in them to make someone of themselves, so I have to. I need to.

I think moving away from all the chaos is going to be good for me. Worry free, hearing no one complain for once.

My parents are divorced and all they do is complain about each other. I'm sick of that! I was away this weekend at the apartment and it was just so peaceful, in 2 days my face even cleared up! Funny I think.

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